Two Parts One Body

I am her; she is me
two separate parts, personalities intertwined
One body, two minds
Different but somehow the same
It's who i become; when all seems lost
She takes over; the lines blur around the edges
thoughts seem to fade and blend
I am sucked into the back of my mind; as she fills the rest
To walk, to speak and act as her own
A separate force, a true force
Just as real and as necessary as the air that I breathe
She is who makes me whole, who makes me alright
In the dark, she becomes my shining beacon
My true ray of light
I do not plan to lose her, even as time passes
In a way, we need each other
I need her to live; she needs me to exist
A simple equation; a solid fact
Though most would not understand the true gravity of her existence
But I do, I do

Shattered pieces in Dark places

Shattered into a million pieces
Left all over the place; scattered around uselessly
No one to help; no one to even lend a broom
Forced to suffer, alone in the dark
The strange abyss; where the darkest emotions sit
No light; the only sounds are tears hitting the floor
Once upon a time; he could pull her from this place
But no he's the very reason she's here
Kicking her further and further down
With every lie that seeps from his lips
Even with every truth he utters; she breaks further
Love used to be her answer; but now... love is destroying her
From the inside, out; as she coughs up more shattered pieces of herself
Watching them reflect her image back to herself; like spiderweb cracks in a mirror
He smiles; that same sinister smile that pulled her in
There is no breaking free of this place
Because his "love" keeps her here
To forever spew pieces of herself across the dark dingy floor
Left to be forgotten by everyone else
She has to find herself to find the light
She has to find her own strength; only then will she be set free
No longer to suffer the eternity of the dark abyss; or of his sinister smile
For she is strong, beautiful, and worth so much more
That is the key
It has always been the key...
And a beautiful key she is; and always will be

The Light

The bitter cold chills the tips of her fingers in to a tingling numbness
Here, waiting deep inside the depths of her mind;
It is empty and lonely; dark and frigid
She longs to be freed; by the shining white light
That could only be her truelove
But his cold piercing eyes keep her chained here
In the deep dark depths; the eternal abyss
His feigned "love" and care keeps her here
Longing for his feigned "love" and tender touch
She longs to be free; but also longs to stay
Leaving is uncertain; but staying here at least she has him
But is the vast loneliness she feels really worth all of that?
She is worth more, so much more; if only she knew it
Only then will there be freedom, from him; from this place
The light is her; and it always has been

We will never be

I am breaking, from the inside out
but only from love, heartache, and envy
Everything else i have seems to go so well
Move so swiftly
Except one thing; You

I love/hate the Way you make me feel
Though I love you
Don't want to lose you
Can't be without you
But I can't make you choose me
I can't make you love me; the way that I love you
Maybe now it's time to realize
That it will never be anything more
Never be what I want
I've tried to be what you need
Though that never seems to be enough
It hurts to know
You'll never love me the way you love her
It hurts to watch that
It hurts to see you so happy
When i'm not the one thats doing it
You say you love me
But i dont think you understand what you're doing to me
Maybe you do
Maybe everyone is right
And maybe now its time for me to see it

Silent Dreams

Only when I close my eyes, do I realize my bitter, cold loneliness. Somehow I cannot seem to shake the everlasting waves of hurt and deceit. Dreams are supposed to be a persons way of escaping reality, to some place better than what they know. Yet somehow when I close my eyes all I can see are the things I no longer want to think about.
The emptiness, is dark and scary. All things scattered like a broken mirror with its shards of glass strewn across the carpet. And those shards reflect every single memory is thrown back in my face. As a reminder of everything; everything that I have ever done, or something anybody has ever done to me.
I want to open my eyes, and escape the images, but it's as if lead weights hold them closed. Nightmares form, faster than morning dew. Leaving me wordless, e

motional, and scared. Scared of what is to become of my future. If all I can ever see is my past. The nightmare's mission is to keep me from moving on; keep me locked in place like a deadbolt.
If dreams are supposed to be what you make them, why when I mold them into my true life fantasies; do they always fall apart? I dream of being married, and somehow something messes it up. The cascade of pain sets in through my sleeping body, I want it to go away. I want to be able to open my eyes and free myself from this madness.
I no longer want to feel the dark figures tearing my dream world apart. Destroying everything that I have worked so hard to create. Depriving me of proper sleep, making me doubt my trust in people. My reality is hard enough; full of worry, and fear. Why should my dreams bear the same burden? Sad goodbyes, and lonely nights should not be in my dream world. My darkest memories should not have the ability to resurface.
I just want to feel ok when I close my eyes. I want to feel restful, I want to feel happy and creative and loved when I closed my eyes. Not afraid of what I will see. I just want to know that for once in my life everything will be ok. Even if it is a fantasy. Even if everything I have ever fabricated is of a fairytale nature. Should any person be denied such joy?

The Line That Divides Us

Theres is the thin line. The one that divides up every single day. I can see it, but somehow you cannot. Everyday we are together the line grows bolder.
The line between me and her. The line you continue to hopscotch back and forth over. Between what you had, and what you've got. The inability to decide which side you belong to.
You say that the love is strong, as strong as the sun on a hot summer day. Yet you continue to leave, for the dark clouds of snow. The blizzard's that blind you to the real thing, that covers the line. So that you can no longer see where to cross.
She still your heart with the ice in her eyes, and on her fingertips. So now you can no longer move in my direction. She freezes you feet to the ground with her words, making you believe every single one. 
The power of my

 sun is dimming, and I cannot seem to free you from the ice. The power dims as my heart breaks, and it is breaking fast. I have lost the power to be strong, but I have not lost my will. My will is as strong as a might oak tree. Isn't that what they say? That your will is the strongest thing you have.
I keep trying to free you, from the eternal coldness, the constant veiled vision, and the slow dying heartbeat. Yet you remain, on the other side of the line. Away from warmth, and true eternal love, that will never grow cold. Where your heart will beat, faster than any drum, where your eyes will shine brighter than any star.
The day that you see that I have melted the ice, and cleared the cold, bitter snow that covers the line. I will try my hardest to warm your heart back up to me, and unfreeze you feet. Because my will and my love is stronger than any blizzard. Nothing will stop me from saving you, and keeping you safe with me. Right where you belong.

The Game Weakens

It is a beast that renders my body useless. It enters my cells, deleting them one by one. My very existence is depleting.The weakness is coming, My body is losing strength. 
Do I have a chance of fighting it. Who knows? Time and fate have not been pleasant to me across the years. Clearly you see that, since I am where I am today. I loved with every facet of my being, yet you still do not care. What could I have done, to make you see that you are hurting me.
I feel like I am sinking far into the depths of the sea, to be lost and never found again. Like an old pocket mirror a little girl has misplaced. The wish for you to pull me out, has slowly faded like an old photograph. I don't want your hands to touch me, I no longer want your help.
You only help when its convenient for you, and that

 I do not respect. You spread your disease and lies like its butter, pretending that it scars no one as you go. You've damaged my heart, my soul, and my body. Then threw it away like used goods.
I cannot be weak, and I can no longer allow myself to fall into your arms. I need to be strong, and walk away. No matter how good those minimal good times could've been or were. I have to release the chains that attatch me to you, in order to save myself.
No longer do I want to fall like raindrops do on a sidewalk. I no longer want to cry, leaving wet stains of my despair on my pillowcase. Your face can no longer stain my memory like spilled paint on a carpet. So please, leave my life and do not return, disappear like a rabbit in a magician's hat. I can no longer play your game.